Saturday, January 19, 2019

Annual Remembrance

37 years ago today, well, you know what happened, and I've taken it upon myself to
write about it every time on this day. Loss such as this is permanent, however how I let it
affect me can change over time. Or can it? I'll never get to play another game of chess
with my father. I've already talked about how that has helped growing up, and here we
are 37 years later, and these are still good memories. 

The bad ones I don't want to write down, and I feel that's a disservice to my memories of
him, however they happened, and affected me deeply as well. I don't want to talk about
them, and I don't want to write them down either. It's probably possible to use those bad
memories and turn them into good ones, as the first time I went through the traumatic
brain injury cycle, their mantra was, "Laugh him out of it." 

Some would say this is a bad thing, and some might say otherwise. I don't know who
these people are either. My mother lived almost eight years after my father died, and
never remarried to honor her memory of him. I only have her stories that she told me
afterwards, and I truly only have memories of being at parties where I again was the only
child there, and hearing stories about how my parent's friends reacted to their stories as

Maybe Shakespeare had it right from the Scot's play; Let us sit upon the ground and tell
sad stories of the deaths of kings. Are we part of the Marlowe society? The theory being
that a sergeant in the king's army couldn't possibly be intelligent enough to write all of
those tomes during his lifetime. 

However, we've all seen Shakespeare in Love, or if we haven't, we should. It's a great
movie. It goes to the writing process without making it intrusive. He was writing to
entertain the unwashed masses, and maybe we as writers continue to do that to this day.
Ultimately any story is told from the point of view of the narrator, and his reactions to
the various events that he or she witnesses. The hero's journey is written as if the hero is in fact a heroine, as all the literature that I've taken in calls her, well, she. 

This isn't about me. 

However, it is about how I react all these years later, and about my upbringing. My parents basically told me no most of the time I wanted something, as they knew we couldn't afford it, and yet I have so many things now.

Someone once asked me if my father was a good man. I still answer yes to this question,
even though I haven't heard from this person in over a year. Maybe two at this point, as
I'm not truly counting, however as an earth sign, these things that happen to me are taken in slowly. 

My "ruling" planet is also Saturn, from where we get Saturday, which is today.  

Life, Death, Marriage, and Funerals. 

Celebrations of other's lives. How these events affect those that either witness them directly or hear about them indirectly may not ever be recorded and passed on by whomever shall read this.
The joke here is that 37 years later, there's a guy on The Rams with last name Shields,
with #37. I bought that jersey to use as costuming for special someones. I won't mention
their names here, however they should know who they are. If they don't, then they
might comment if I ever publish this. 

It has been published by the fact that you're reading this now, and even though this is
supposed to be private and unfiltered every day while at the same time being
spontaneous only states my need to get most of this out there.... 

Today I have a wedding to attend, and I will celebrate my need to honor my father by
performing magic if asked. We're asked to wear a costume, and I'm effectively going as
myself, however there's a character in the DC Universe that I look like. I just need to
swap out the white jacket for the midnight blue one, and I'll be good to go. 

I do have to remember that the right hand inside jacket pocket has a hole in it however. If
I put anything in there, I'll never get it back. So much for things being instantly reset!!!
I did, and do love my father. 

Frederick M. Shields died on this day in 1982. 

Here's to you, Dad!!!