Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Hell On Earth

is redundant. Life is hell, not to be confused with the comic I read during the late 70's; Life In Hell. Simply drawn characters once a week in the LA Weekly, which is where I got my entertainment while matriculating at the University of Stupendous Choices. 40 years ago, I was supposedly a senior or at least I was acting like it, and exactly a year left with my father on this planet.

I wasn't going to talk or write about this today, however, I looked at the date, and today is the annual remembrance. Forty is a good number, and it's Biblical too. What a deal! Would I have made difference choices had I known? Spent more time with him, and less at school with my transitory friends of which I'm only in touch with one or two x many years later?

Clearly my parents wanted me educated, as ultimately, it cost me my house. Bad choices made. I could've been a guy that got an AA at the local community college, I believe LA Valley right next to Grant High, however, that was way far away at that point.... Less money however, and maybe we save the house. Do I get the same education? I did meet this one blonde girl during orientation that came into the school as a junior, as she did what I described above. It was cool. Never saw her again either. She was two years ahead of me after all.

Would I be sitting at a desk in North Hollywood or as it's called today Valley Village, and typing these same words instead? Was there any possibility that my father would've lived longer? Did I do well enough by him? These questions come up today, as he wasn't there at graduation, as that took place in the May following his death. Damn.

What I'm saying here is that I'm rapidly approaching the age at which he died. There's better medical technology out there, and as a result of free drugs from my health plan, I'll most definitely live longer than he did, however, have I lived any better? I have two kids, however, he and my mother were lucky to have one. Back then, they didn't think they could get pregnant, as I was born 17 years after they got married. That's a lifetime for some of you that may read this eventually.

I know I'm going to live longer, however, that's not the point. Is it about leaving a mark, or moving forward and making better choices so that my life ultimately means something, as opposed to the hill of beans talked about in the scene from one of my favorite movies....

I didn't truly realize that my parents weren't going to live to see me get married, have kids, and enjoy the fruits of my labor. That reminds me; I need to eat a banana today. The need to survive, and do something resembling anything that may last well beyond my lifetime if I don't live forever exists. Did my father give me the proper tools the time he was on this earth?

I'd like to believe that he did. It was time to learn magic and pursue it somewhat professionally after he moved on. Intellectually, I knew how to do things, however, the performance is key, and bringing people into your type of shall we say circle takes practice and time. If he had lived longer, I probably would've had to come up with my own money to join The Castle. I would have a different membership number too.

Having a single digit membership number to the most exclusive club on this or any other planet is cool. There's truly only nine people on earth that can say that. Sure, I should be on one of the boards, however, that's an elected position, and during these tough times, running a campaign to win a seat without knowing anyone would be a chore, and we know how I hate chores. It's why this place is such a mess after all.

Yes, I had two parents that loved me, however, I never truly had an adult relationship with either of them, therefore the need to achieve this with my children exists. However, I don't have any experience with that, as I was always treated as a child whenever I was at home. Maybe it truly is the University of Spoiled Children. There's more acronyms, like The University of Second Choice.

The Safety School option. However, if your parents tell you you're going to USC, then you're going to USC. They made it happen for me, and for this, I thank not only my father, but my mother as well. 

72 and sunny in Redondo Beach, even though it's painfully windy right now. 

Adjust your expectations accordingly.™


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